There’s a lot of radioactive waste coming out in the form of shows and movies. They take our favorite childhood shows and movies, turn them inside out, impale our heroes, and produce radioactive beasts.

These shows don’t want us to love them. They want our attention. They do this through a clever gimmick that I call the Dark Ray. The Dark Ray shines down and makes a radioactive monster, and we look, and, horror! it’s destroying our childhood! We complain to the world, but the beast bathes in this attention, like an abused prostitute. It receives ad revenue and power from nostalgia and anger, more than enough to compensate for its loss of customers.

We can’t stop the Dark Ray from making monstrosities. We can’t have Scooby, or He Man, or Star Wars anymore. Don’t yearn for childhood, and don’t be angry over it, since that’s the attention it seeks. Don’t give it any. And you’ll walk past the culture war as though it’s a dung beetle fight.